STANLEY CUP 101 — UH-OH,THERE’S A POP QUIZ TODAY

Well, now. That was a fun little hockey season, wasn’t it? Done with St. Louis. Done with Anaheim. Done with Colorado. Done with Philadelphia. And now it’s party time, people. Time for the parade. No doubt you’re making plans to attend today — but so is everyone else. Which means not everyone is going to have a good view.

Who should get the front row?

I have a solution. Take the following quiz to prove the depth of your knowledge of the 1997 Stanley Cup run.

Highest score gets the best seat. I grade on a curve.

Ready?

The stick that Steve Yzerman threw in the air . . .

a) Was symbolic of casting off his demons.

b) Also broke the Olympic javelin record.

c) Will be for sale at the next big card show.

Brendan Shanahan’s facial hair . . .

a) Was made of steel wool.

b) Came from Elliott Gould in M*A*S*H.

c) Will be for sale at the next big card show.

If Darren McCarty’s beard were a Stephen King book, it would be . . .

a) “Thinner.”

b) “Misery.”

c) “The Green Mile.”

By winning the Cup, Mike Vernon’s contract automatically kicks in another year. It also stipulates that next season . . .

a) He has Wednesdays off.

b) His fight with Patrick Roy is on pay-per-view.

c) He picks the beverage in his water bottle.

When Vladdie Konstantinov screamed in Russian while skating with the Cup, the translation was . . .

a) “I am screaming and no one understands me! HA!”

b) “As Shakespeare once wrote . . .”

c) “Louie, Louie, whoa, baby, me gotta go.”

The real reason Scotty Bowman put on skates and took a lap with the Cup is . .
.

a) He wanted to show he’s one of the guys.

b) He’s trying out for Disney on Ice.

c) He knows the Wings need defensemen.

“Claude Lemieux” is French for . . .

a) “Worm.”

b) “Turtle.”

c) “Eek! That man, he hit me!”

After winning the Cup, the Wings should give Paul Coffey . . .

a) A thank-you note.

b) A “hang in there” pat.

c) A kickback.

Eric Lindros is . . .

a) Slightly overrated.

b) A myth, like the Loch Ness monster.

c) Plucking his beard one whisker at a time.

Nick Lidstrom does few interviews in English. But his interviews in Swedish always begin with the sentence . . .

a) “Hi, Mom. Did you get the check?”

b) “Wanna shout out to my homies in Stockholm . . .”

c) “Louie, Louie, oh, baby, me gotta go.”

The saddest people in Detroit this week are . . .

a) The ones who traded Game 4 tickets for Game 6.

b) The ones who canceled ESPN last month.

c) Octopus salesmen.

If the Flyers’ goaltending were a Beatles song, it would be . . .

a) I’m Looking Through You.

b) Help.

c) Fixing a Hole

Thanks to the Russian Five, the Wings’ victory was big news in the former Soviet Union. What did the Moscow headlines read Sunday morning?

a) “Russians, Others, Win Cup.”

b) “Comrades Steal Capitalist Icon.”

c) “What a Country!”

Near the end of the Wings’ celebration Saturday night, Kris Draper asked for a razor blade. Why?

a) To take off the red beard.

b) To chew it and show how tough these Wings are.

c) To scratch Claude Lemieux’s name off the Cup.

The sentence you are most likely to hear in Philadelphia this week is . . .

a) “We never liked hockey anyhow.”

b) “Lindros, dead man. Hextall, dead. . . .”

c) “Mommmyy.”

OK. How’d you do? I know it was hard, but so is hockey. Besides, if you got all 15 correct, you get to ride in the car with Nick Lidstrom. He’ll be the one singing “Louie, Louie.”

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This