STEALING SIGNALS? FROM THE LIONS? YOU MUST BE JOKING

I was fascinated last week by accusations by the Lions that several Green Bay Packers were stealing signals from the sidelines. Not that I don’t believe them. It’s just that, well, how on Earth can you do that? And who has the time?

PLAYER 1: They’re going with the red dog, deep six, drop four.

PLAYER 2: Yeah. Better signal into our quarterback.

PLAYER 1: Right. Let’s see. Red dog, that’s the closed fist isn’t it? And deep six, that’s a wipe of the forehead. Or wait. Is the forehead for a blitz, or —

QUARTERBACK: Hut!

See what I mean?

And now, this week’s picks . . .
* HOUSTON 19, DETROIT 10: The Oilers have a lot of nerve, calling their stadium The House Of Pain. Obviously, they never sat through a Sunday in the Silverdome, rooting for the Lions.
* BUFFALO 16, ATLANTA 7: Jim Kelly enters the huddle, and his teammates say,
“Who are you?”
* CHICAGO 20, GREEN BAY 19: And Jim Harbaugh? As long as you’re out there? Kick Tony Mandarich in the kneecaps. For the Maize and Blue.
* CLEVELAND 24, TAMPA BAY 17: Vinny Testaverde used to play behind Bernie Kosar. Still does.
* MIAMI 31, INDIANAPOLIS 10: The Colts without Dickerson are like a day without sun–, no, wait, the orange juice people already used that one.
* MINNESOTA 20 LA RAMS 17: I always wondered this about Wade Wilson: Does he have a brother named Swim?
* NEW ENGLAND 14, NY JETS 3: The Jets offered Tony Eason a job and he said,
“No thanks. I’d rather stay unemployed.” I think that speaks for itself.
* SEATTLE 20, KANSAS CITY 18: As long as the Seahawks don’t play at home, they’re OK.
* CINCINNATI 24, LA RAIDERS 20: Jay Schroeder does nothing for me. Or most of the teams he’s with.
* NY GIANTS 27, PHOENIX 26: I have just one question for Lawrence Taylor: What is with that haircut?
* PHILADELPHIA 21, SAN DIEGO 14: Wonder how many tacos Jim McMahon is selling in Southern California?
* DENVER 19, PITTSBURGH 16: Does John Elway shave? Just asking.
* WASHINGTON 28, DALLAS 4: This should look more like Cowboys and Indians than Cowboys-Redskins.
* SAN FRANCISCO 28, NEW ORLEANS 12 (Monday night): That shaking from Candlestick ain’t the ground. The 49ers are good.
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 11-3.
* RECORD VS. SPREAD: 9-4-1.
* SEASON RECORD: 76-36.
* SEASON RECORD VS. SPREAD: 54-55-3.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Green Bay 20, Detroit 17. Packers won, 23-20, in overtime.
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Dallas 20, Phoenix 18. Cardinals won, 19-10. CUTLINE

McMahon Elway

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