SUPER SCENARIOS DON’T COME DRAWLIN’ TO ME: PATS FAR SUPERIOR

Here’s what I know about Carolina Panthers fans. While many are new to the sport, some of the real diehards have been rooting for a month.

That’s 29 days longer than you, Curt.

Oh, I know privately you’ll complain that you lost our annual season-long picks competition and therefore were stuck choosing Carolina when you knew, as well as I do, that New England will stomp the Panthers.

But fess, up, Fester. You kind of like the pick, don’t you? You’re enjoying the whole Tobacco Road thing. I see you there, in your cowboy boots, a wad of chew in your mouth, talking about NASCAR and affecting that Carolina drawl. When did you grow that mustache? Oh, wait. That’s spittle.

Wipe your lip, Curt. And come back to us. You are no more a Marlboro man than I’m Brad Pitt. And the Panthers have as much chance of winning the Super Bowl as you have of winning Best Supporting Actor.

You missed a spot, Curt. There, by your chin, no, no, there. . . .

Now. Where were we? The Panthers. Curt. They are not a Super Bowl team — only the best the NFC could muster. This is a conference that allowed Seattle in the playoffs!

Look at the AFC. New England is the last team standing after Tennessee
(great), Indianapolis (great) and Kansas City (great) went down.

Carolina lives because Philly (choke), Green Bay (choke) and St. Louis (lost to Lions) fell apart.

The Panthers might be the best in their conference, but they barely make the top half dozen in the league.

What do we always say? Experience wins championships. Tom Brady is so cool, he hasn’t broken a sweat since his last Super Bowl. And you give Bill Belichick two weeks to prepare, he could win the New Hampshire primary.

You, on the other hand, need a napkin.

And some sympathy. Patriots 27, Panthers 10

Contact MITCH ALBOM at 313-223-4581 or albom@freepress.com. Catch “The Mitch Albom Show” 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WJR-AM (760).

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