Somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere fans say “Yay!” but there is no joy in Detroit — when the Lions play Green Bay.
Hey. Whatdya want for nothin’?
Hut one, hut two . . . HUDDLE UP!
WHO’S IN THIS WEEK: Scott Greene, Marc Renaud, Barry Sanders (lifetime membership), Henry Thomas, Jim (Har-de-har) Harbaugh, Carolina and Dom Capers
(doesn’t Dom Capers sound like a champagne?), Eddie George, Steve Bono, Orel Hershiser, the fans at Joe Louis, the BIG SCREEN at Spectadium in Troy, and Davey Johnson, who keeps winning, and keeps getting fired.
WHO’S OUT: The Lions secondary, the Lions linebackers, punter Mark Royals, Buddy Ryan (permanent expulsion), Steve (ouch) Young, Rodney (how many fingers?) Peete, the Bowden family (father and son), and Marge Schott and George Steinbrenner, who, come to think of it, should be married.
Hey, ho, Huddle. Here we are.
Whozat? Oh. It’s the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. For a minute, wearing all that orange, I thought you were the girls from Hooters.
No fair, Huddle. You can’t pick on us anymore. We’re winners now.
Really? Is the season over?
No, but we’re 5-2. We’re on top of the Central Division.
I noticed. So?
So we think we should be in the Huddle.
Yeah. Haven’t we earned it?
Well, it’s true, your record and your accomplishments in face of enormous laughter certainly warrant being included. And we would let you in, except for this one little rule we have.
Members cannot dress like Creamsicles.
Beat it, Buckos. Next?
No, not God — heh-heh — although some have confused us now and then —
Lou Holtz. I know it’s you. What now?
Well, I was figuring since I hope to be back to work next week, you might give me a little boost and . . . let me in?
Wait a minute. Your team is allowing 400 yards a game, your receivers can’t catch, you’ve lost two, you should have lost four, and in the final seconds against Army, you couldn’t even get your headset to work!
Well, there’s this little switch, and I get all fumbled up, and, uh, someone must have bumped it, and next thing I know–
You were broadcasting on the NBA?
No, I was talking to the wrong coach.
And you want to be in The Huddle?
Uh . . . well . . .
Beat it, Mr. Potato-headset.
LET’S GO TO THE MAILBAG: Dear Huddle: How about a spot for someone whogot off the Lions bandwagon in 1989 . . . because they look like world-beaters against the elite teams and imitation marshmallows against the lesser ones. Yours, Roger Morgret, Hudson.
What’s an imitation marshmallow?
Dear Huddle: Sparky Anderson took an average team and made them winners. For that I will always say, “Bless you, Sparky, and Bless You, Boys.” Duval Watkins, Detroit.
Thank you, Duval. We’ll wake you up at the turn of the century.
Dear Huddle: Let me in, and I promise to throw my best chop block on
“Whining” Lou Holtz when he tries to sneak in. Bob Van Sickle, Holland.
Where were you two minutes ago?
Look. It’s Jim Harbaugh. You’ve grown so!
And you’ve beaten San Francisco, Miami and St. Louis. How do you do it son? Especially after Bo Schembechler once called you “the worst quarterback I’ve seen in 40 years.”
I thought that was a compliment. Am I in?
Anybody who once sat behind Jim McMahon and lived to have a career is OK by us. Huddle up.
Is is true, Huddle? Northwestern will be going to a bowl?
I can’t face that. I’m still trying to get used to the Cleveland Indians.
Yo, Hud. How about the NFL limerick? There once was a Lion named Gray who took kicks and went that-a-way But Houston had cash so Mel made a dash Now the Lions must pay every day.
HEYYY! HOW ABOUT THE POLL? TOP THREE BOTTOM THREE 1. Dallas 21. Lions 2. Oakland 29. Ferris State 3. Kansas City 30. NY Jets
Hey, Huddle. Why do the 49ers use a choking kicker like Doug Brien?
To practice the Heimlich maneuver?
Do you want to be in the Huddle? Send your questions, comments or reasons for admission to The Huddle, Detroit Free Press, 321 W. Lafayette, Detroit 48226. Or fax 1-313-222-5983.