THIS WEEK, NUMBERS ALL WRONG

* Lions 19, Phoenix 17: All is going well until William Clay Ford calls down a passing play for Andre Ware. Unfortunately, he is connected to Jim Arnold, who goes out and throws an interception.

* Cleveland 28, Indianapolis 14: Rumor has it the Lions are interested in Jeff George. Rumor has it William Clay Ford called Jeff Daniels by mistake.

* Minnesota 24, Green Bay 19: I finally figured out what Jim McMahon and John Travolta have in common: They’re both washed- up actors.
* Houston 28, LA Rams 19: Jim Everett’s star has lost so much luster it’s now just a meteor.
* Buffalo 27, Miami 20: Dan Marino does the Isotoner gloves ad, Jim Kelly does the Nuprin ad, and Marv Levy does Hooked On Phonics to get people to pronounce his name correctly.
* Chicago 20, Tampa Bay 10: You want to know how much things change and don’t change in football? These two teams have the same lousy record.
* New Orleans 20, San Francisco 17: The Saints want this game so badly they’d play in leather helmets.
* Seattle 20, Cincinnati 7: A compelling case for an afternoon nap.
* NY Jets 17, New England 12: Boomer Esiason leads the Jets to victory. Afterward, he receives a phone call from William Clay Ford, saying, “Damn it, Joe Willie, you’re still the best!”
* Pittsburgh 21, Atlanta 17 (Monday night): There is only one question to be answered about this game: What is it doing on Monday night?
* Best pick last week: San Diego 24, Houston 20 (Chargers won, 18-17).
* Worst pick last week: LA Raiders 19, Cleveland 9 (Browns won, 19-16).
* Record last week: 7-3.
* Record vs. spread: 3-7.
* Season record: 25-13.
* Season vs. spread: 17-21.

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