TIGER STADIUM: FOOD FOR TOO MUCH THOUGHT

THE LIVE ALBOM

* My shock of the week: carob raisins, vegetarian burritos and hazelnut coffee at Tiger Stadium. Next thing you know, the dugout will have a hardwood floor and a Miro poster.

* And Pachabel on the loudspeakers.
* By the way, you think that Home Run Bar in Tiger Plaza is large enough? Take that, and the giant daiquiri stand, and on a hot day, you might as well roll the paddy wagon right up to the gates.
* Eric Montross, I know Dolph Lundgren. I worked with him. You, sir, are no Dolph Lundgren.

Eric’s reality Eric’s dream

* Is it me, or is Dennis Rodman growing tattoos?
* Speaking of the Pistons, those of you rooting for them to miss the playoffs? What if they get in, play the Bulls in the first round, and beat them?
* That’s a parade, right?
* By the way, they say Darrell Walker was going for Bill Laimbeer in that Bulls-Pistons fracas Monday. If you ask me, he had a much shorter fellow in mind. Curly hair? Wears a suit? First name Ron?
* Now that Walker is suspended one game, he’ll have plenty of time to film another episode of “Family Matters,” in which he plays Urkel.

Oh, Darrell Oh . . . Darrell?
* Nice confidence boost Wayne Fontes gave his quarterbacks with that Joe Montana stuff, huh? I bet Peete, Kramer and Ware can’t wait for camp.
* TOP THREE QUESTIONS I’VE BEEN ASKED SINCE RETURNING FROM THE FINAL FOUR:

1. Is Chris Webber staying or going?

2. Is Chris Webber staying or going?

3. Got any hats?
* Don’t look now, but Seattle has the fourth-best record in the NBA. All this, while coach George Karl makes movies under his stage name, John Lithgow. George as John George as George

* I like the new rules in college basketball, especially a 35- second clock over a 45. Now, can they do something about this time-out/technical thing?
* Really. Why should what Webber did warrant two free throws and possession? Two free throws and possession are what you get for tackling your opponent and stealing his wallet.
* Can’t the ref just say, “You have no time-outs,” and let them keep playing?
* Next time someone tells me something is impossible, I’m telling them Bernhard Langer, who just won the Masters, is allergic to grass.
* I am not making this up.
* Well, I see the NASCAR people aren’t worried about selling their new race down at Indy, because 30,000 showed up last summer for a tire test.
* About that tire test: essay or multiple-choice?
* Dean Smith may pretend he isn’t Robert Preston, but when the Tar Heels won the title, the band played songs from “The Music Man.”

76 trombones or . . . 2 NCAA titles

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