I would like to chat about the latest trends in the NFL, but I am busy hiring an NFL picks coach.

One who’s available on weekends.

In the meantime . . .

Here are this week’s picks. . . .
* DETROIT 4, GREEN BAY 0: But just think, without the new coaches, that 4 would be a 2.* BUFFALO 24, TAMPA BAY 10: I know the Bills have clinched almost everything they need to clinch, but hey, this is still Tampa Bay.
* CLEVELAND 20, DALLAS 6: The biggest difference between these two teams is that Cleveland still has a reason to be playing.
* INDIANAPOLIS 24, MIAMI 17: Eric Dickerson runs all the way to Ft. Lauderdale.
* NY GIANTS 23, PHOENIX 20: I still can’t figure out how the Giants are winning.
* CINCINNATI 23, SAN DIEGO 9: On the other hand, it’s easy to figure out how the Chargers keep losing.
* SAN FRANCISCO 31, ATLANTA 26: Pretty soon, the Lions will be bragging that they beat the Falcons.
* NEW ENGLAND 12, SEATTLE 7: Run, run, run. Are you sure Bo Schembechler isn’t coaching the Patriots?
* PHILADELPHIA 28, WASHINGTON 10: Bye-bye, Super Bowl champs.
* MINNESOTA 21, NEW ORLEANS 20: Let Anthony Carter kill some other team for once.
* NY JETS 16, KANSAS CITY 13: Does anybody miss Mark Gas . . . Gus . . . what was that guy’s name again?
* LA RAIDERS 12, DENVER 10: John Elway rises from the ashes — and gets buried.
* HOUSTON 20, PITTSBURGH 13: What if we found out that Jerry Glanville really is Elvis?
* (MONDAY NIGHT) LA RAMS 27, CHICAGO 26: Jim Harbaugh becomes the first Michigan quarterback to start an NFL game. If only he were playing Ohio State instead.
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 9-5.
* SEASON RECORD: 119-62-1.
* LAST WEEK VS. SPREAD: 7-7.
* SEASON VS. SPREAD: 91-88-3.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Philadelphia 23, Phoenix 21 (Eagles won, 31-21).
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: New Orleans 28, NY Giants 20 (Giants won, 13-12.)

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