Tomorrow morning, Jim Everett of the LA Rams, Joe Montana of the San Francisco 49ers and Jerry Glanville of the Atlanta Falcons are going to get up and not know what to do with themselves. Well. Maybe not Glanville. He’ll probably get up and say something dumb, like he does most days. But the other guys? And the rest of the NFC West? They have a Sunday off.
Really. In the middle of the season. Now NFL players can relax in their living rooms and think to themselves as they watch TV, “Wow! What a truly sick profession I have chosen.”
Who will probably say, “Hey, Elvis. Pass the chips, man.”
Now for this week’s picks . . .
* Lions 24, Packers 23: Green Bay isn’t the only team that makes Majik. The Lions made Barry Sanders disappear last week.
* LA Raiders 16, Chicago 12: Mike Ditka challenges Al Davis to a fight in the parking lot. Al says, “Just swing, baby.”
* Minnesota 21, Tampa Bay 16: Sorry, Tampa. There are other teams out there besides the Lions. And most of them can beat you.
* Phoenix 20, Washington 13: Joe Bugel gets to blow his horn.
* NY Jets 20, New England 17: After their sexual harassment charges, one writer suggested the Pats be renamed the Nude England Perverts.
* Buffalo 30, Denver 20: Jim Kelly and John Elway have one thing in common. They’re both overrated.
* NY Giants 24, Dallas 13: This time, instead of letting a valuable player like Lawrence Taylor get hurt in the closing seconds, Bill Parcells puts on a helmet and plays the final series himself. He pulls a hamstring.
* Philadelphia 35, Indianapolis 14: Now that Buddy Ryan’s job has been saved for a few weeks, the Eagles can get back to doing what they do best: not concentrating.
* Miami 30, Pittsburgh 20: The Steelers’ offense still hasn’t scored a touchdown this season. The Pirates have outscored them.
* Kansas City 24, Cleveland 14: The biggest over-under right now is when Bernie Kosar says, “ENOUGH!”
* San Diego 21, Houston 13: Who cares?
* Cincinnati 35, Seattle 10 (Monday night): I’m sure ABC is thrilled to have this game in prime time.
* Last week’s record: 11-3.
* Against the spread: 7-6-1.
* Season record: 31-11.
* Season vs. spread: 19-22-1.
* Best pick last week: San Francisco 20, Atlanta 14 (49ers won, 19-13).
* Worst pick last week: Cleveland 20, San Diego 10 (Chargers won, 24-14).