WHAT IF . . . SOCRATES FOLLOWED FOOTBALL?

I pick, therefore I am.

Hmmm.

I have no idea what that means. I just thought it sounded good.

And now, this week’s picks . . .
* NY GIANTS 19, LIONS 10: Barry Sanders left. Barry Sanders right. Barry Sanders on the oxygen tank.
* MINNESOTA 24, CHICAGO 21: It’s put up or shut up time for the Vikings. I say they put it up — right to Anthony Carter.
* NEW ORLEANS 30, GREEN BAY 12: Hooray! Tony Mandarich passed his steroid test. Must have been multiple choice.
* LA RAIDERS 20, KANSAS CITY 17: Raiders swoop into Kansas City, pick up Bo Jackson, swoop back out.
* ATLANTA 20, DALLAS 19: Jimmy Johnson eliminated the traditional Cowboys press luncheon, saying: “I don’t eat lunch. And if we don’t start playing better, I might not eat anything.” Also, a few reporters would die from starvation, which I’m sure would make him very happy.
* PHILADELPHIA 23, WASHINGTON 17: If Gerald Riggs doesn’t start holding onto the ball, they’ll soon be the Redskinned.
* LA RAMS 30, INDIANAPOLIS 20: Eric Dickerson returns to LA, runs into some old girlfriends, and decides he liked it there better after all.
* HOUSTON 34, SAN DIEGO 17: The Oilers have a run ‘n’ shoot, right? How about trying it Sunday — with Jim McMahon as the target?
* SEATTLE 17, PHOENIX 13: Sorry, Cardinals. You don’t get to play the Lions every week.
* SAN FRANCISCO 24, TAMPA BAY 14: Bucs kicker Donald Igwebuike’s streak of 39 consecutive extra points came to an end last week. Pity. That was the only reason to go to a Tampa Bay game.
* CLEVELAND 51, NY JETS 0: I see a pattern developing here, every game, all season, 51-0, 51-0 . . .
* CINCINNATI 27, PITTSBURGH 13: Bengals safety Rickey Dixon said without holdout receiver Eddie Brown, the Bengals were “like a bus without gas.” Must be something Eddie ate.
* MIAMI 31, NEW ENGLAND 28: The rule with the Patriots is you always pick them to lose when they’re supposed to win, and to win when they’re supposed to lose. Never fails.
* BUFFALO 30, DENVER 10: That roar from upstate ain’t Niagara Falls . . .
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 11-3.
* RECORD VS. SPREAD: 7-6-1.

* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Philadelphia 34, Seattle 17. Eagles won, 31-7.
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: NY Jets 28, New England 14. Pats won, 27-24.

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