WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS PICKING ON US?

Those of us who predict the NFL are very superstitious. The slightest little thing can upset our whole routine. And what does this newspaper do?

They move us from Sunday to Saturday.

In the middle of the season!

I’m sorry. I can no longer be held responsible for my picks. If I get every game wrong, you can blame my boss, and I will be happy to provide you with his home phone number. On the other hand, if I get them all right . . .

Thank you very much.

And now this week’s picks . . .

* NEW ORLEANS 24, LIONS 16: The last time the Lions won, I got so excited I ran out and picked them to win again. They lost, 42-7.
* CLEVELAND 16, CINCINNATI 13: Boomer Esiason taunts the Cleveland linebackers, saying “You lost to the Lions? Hahaha! I can’t believe it!” He is knocked out of the game.
* GREEN BAY 17, TAMPA BAY 10: Whose bay is it anyway?
* HOUSTON 21, PITTSBURGH 20: At home, the Oilers are the House of Pain. On the road, they’re the House Of Wax.
* INDIANAPOLIS 24, NEW ENGLAND 14: The Patriot specialize in resurrecting old quarterbacks. This week it’s Marc Wilson. Next week, it’s Y.A. Tittle.
* LA RAMS 23, DALLAS 16: Let’s see. Jimmy Johnson already used the bounty-on-our-heads excuse. What’ll it be this week? The sun was in our eyes?
* KANSAS CITY 13, MIAMI 12: That’s with Marino playing. If he’s out, it could be 50-0.
* SAN FRANCISCO 31, ATLANTA 6: Did you see where Deion Sanders is complaining about “too much media attention.” Fine. I vote we ignore him for the rest of his career. All in favor?
* WASHINGTON 17, PHOENIX 9: Did you see where Darryl Rogers is interested in coaching the Cardinals? Sure. He lives in Phoenix. This way, when he gets fired, he won’t have that long drive home.
* PHILADELPHIA 27, NY GIANTS 24: The Eagles win after the whole team gets together and put a bounty on Buddy Ryan.
* SAN DIEGO 16, NY JETS 7: If the sun is out, there might be more people on the field for this one than in the stands.
* LA RAIDERS 30, DENVER 21: The Broncos can sleep through the rest of the regular season.
* MINNESOTA 13, CHICAGO 10: Poor Mike Ditka. First he screams at his team, then he apologizes, then he screams at them, then he apologizes. Hey, Mike. We’re not listening anymore.
* BUFFALO 24, SEATTLE 14 (Monday night): This is a Monday Night Football game? Hmmm. “Bob Newhart” could be more interesting.
* RECORD LAST WEEK: 10-4.
* RECORD VS. SPREAD: 7-7.
* SEASON RECORD: 112-56.
* SEASON RECORD VS. SPREAD: 79-84-5.
* BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Green Bay 21, Minnesota 20. Packers won, 20-19.
* WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Houston 17, Kansas City 14. KC won, 34-0.

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