You can always tell a playoff-bound football player from a non-playoff-bound one. Especially in the last week of the regular season, which is where we are today. For example:

The playoff-bound player has called all his relatives and told them their Christmas presents will be a few weeks late this year. Not to worry.

The non-playoff-bound player is at the toy store.

The playoff-bound player talks about man coverage, and how weather plays a factor in games this time of year.

The non playoff-bound player talks tan coverage, how nice the Hawaiian coast is this time of year.

The playoff-bound player hopes to take it easy in today’s game so he’s fresh for the big game next week.

The non-playoff-bound player hopes to take it easy in today’s game so he doesn’t have to wear a cast to the Hawaiian coast.

The playoff-bound player sweats.

The non-playoff-bound player perspires.

The playoff-bound player says New Orleans in mid-January is the greatest place on earth.

The non-playoff-bound player says it’s way too crowded in New Orleans, and the food stinks.

A playoff-bound player has his car in the stadium parking lot for today’s game.

A non-playoff-bound player has his car in the parking lot, too. But the engine is running.

Yes. Well. And now, heeeere are the picks . . .

BEARS 21, LIONS 12: The Detroit finale (sorry, gang) is out with a whimper, not a bang.

DENVER 27, SEATTLE 24: I don’t know why, but I just have a feeling about this game.

REDSKINS 27, CARDINALS 16: I have a feeling about this one, too.

GIANTS 28, STEELERS 10: And, yes, another one. I can feel it. I know I’m going to be right about this one. I just know it. I can’t explain why.

DOLPHINS 156, BILLS 3: Don Shula wants to make sure he’s in the playoffs.

PATRIOTS 24, BENGALS 20: Strange things happen in New England around Christmastime. If I were Cincinnati, I’d watch for any snowplows cruising the sidelines. You never can tell.

49ERS 28, COWBOYS 14: Don’t mess with Joe Montana when he’s fighting for his life. Even shaving cream sheriffs have pride.

COLTS 20, OILERS 10: Whoooooooo . . .

BUCS 21, PACKERS 20: ooooooooo . . .

SAINTS 30, FALCONS 13: ooooooooo . . .

CHARGERS 37, CHIEFS 10: ooooo . . . cares?

JETS 23, BROWNS 20: Wouldn’t it be funny if Doug Flutie, who isn’t doing anything anyhow, came out to play for the Jets against Bernie Kosar? And at the end of the game, with no time left, he threw a 60-yard bomb, and the guy dropped it?

EAGLES 19, VIKINGS 16: Collect call for David Shula, is he in?

RAIDERS 28, RAMS 24: OK, like, what I want to know is, if you live in LA, OK? How do you, like, pick who to root for in this game? I mean, both teams are totally LA, right? So, oh-my- gaa-aad. Maybe one team is really, like, groty, while the others are just major hunks? Or maybe one team is just totally into themselves, while the other one is mellow and, you know, likes to cook stir-fry and stuff? Or is it, what is it? Is it?

BEST PICK LAST WEEK: Redskins 30, Bengals 26. Redskins won, 27-24.

WORST PICK LAST WEEK: Lions 23, Packers 12. Packers won, 26-23.

RECORD LAST WEEK: 10-4.

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