Let me get this straight. The starting quarterback leaves, and the backup has a good day. The starting running back is injured, and the backups have a coming out party. The starting kick returner is gone, and the backup has huge numbers.
Hmm. If we can just get the starting receivers, cornerbacks and defensive linemen out of there, this team might win a few games.
When it comes to a teenaged basketball player named LeBron James, everybody has an excuse.
His Ohio high school, St. Vincent-St. Mary in Akron, which is showcasing James around the country this season, flying him everywhere from L.A. to Philadelphia, has its excuse: “We’re giving him a chance to face top-flight competition,” it says.
And the school’s athletic director, who sanctions a large appearance fee for James and the team to play in your gym — reportedly between $10,000 and
$15,000 a game — has his excuse: “We’re helping raise money for our school.”
Marty Mornhinweg may be smarter than you think. He may be tougher than you think. He is definitely more confident than you think. Portrayed in recent weeks as a man dangling by a thread over a pit of snapping alligators — and lucky to even have the thread — the second-year Lions coach shows no signs of panic. In fact, if he had his way, he’d show no signs of anything but determination.
It was a ride to work like any other ride to work, except Brendan Shanahan had 50 cigars in the backseat. He would give them out to his teammates. He would shake their hands. He would tell them the details of the story, the date
(Saturday); the time (3 in the afternoon); the names (Maggie and Jack); the birth order (Maggie first, Jack second, one minute apart); his wife’s condition (good); his condition (good); the grandparents’ condition (over the moon).
It was a ride to work like any other ride to work — except everything had changed.
And you thought Solomon had it tough. Dividing a baby might seem simple compared to the task attempted by a Florida jury last week.
The jury tried to determine blame in the death of a teacher gunned down by a 13-year-old student. You remember this case. Nathaniel Brazill, the student, was sent home on the last day of school for tossing water balloons. He came back with a gun from a neighbor’s house. He asked his teacher, Barry Grunow, if he could speak to a girl in the class. Grunow said no, not in the hallway, but he invited Brazill into the classroom.
NEW YORK — No. No. A thousand red lights no! New York City hosting the Olympic Games? Who came up with this idea? Someone stuck in a taxi, trying to get across town? Yeah, here’s what we need. More . . . people!
Somehow, in a runoff that makes Mondale-Coleman look normal, New York was selected as America’s official bid for the 2012 Summer Games. The city it beat out was — and I hope you’re sitting down — San Francisco. Right. Because when it comes to late August, where would you rather be — alongside a breezy Pacific Ocean or inhaling bus fumes in 90-degree heat?
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