I Saw The Future — And Turned Away
LAS VEGAS — I have found the future. I am walking through it, carrying a plastic shopping bag.
I am at the Consumers Electronics Show, the first major trade show of the millennium. It is “cutting edge.” It is “hot, hot, hot.” It is every cell phone, computer chip, video, stereo and Internet device you can imagine.
I am lost.
“What is that?” I ask the person with a name tag that reads “Personal Relations/Consultant.”
New Year, Old Lionsbatch’S Reinjury Worsens Defeat In Finale, Is Setback For A Playoff Run
MINNEAPOLIS — Welcome to the 2000s, Lions fans, where you’ll find your playoff hopes in a rather unusual location: stuck in a Dixie cup, surrounded by ice.
Thumbs-down.
Whatever chance the Lions had in the postseason has, once again, been clunked by a hard hat. There was pain. There was ice. And there was quarterback Charlie Batch, swell guy, turned into Charlie Batch, swelling guy.
Didn’t we go through this last century?
VICTIM NO. 1ON NEW YEAR’S NIGHT, DANIEL SMOTHERS BECAME A STATISTIC
SAGINAW — The first hospital she called was St. Mary’s which was just across the street from where Daniel took the bullet.”I’m looking for my son,” Debry Davis said over the phone. “they say he’s been shot. Do you have him...
An Argument. A Gun. And Annette Towns Loses Her 15-Year-Old Son For No Reason
The first thing Darryl Towns did, after he was shot, was stagger toward his mother’s bedroom. She wasn’t home. He knew that. But bleeding from the chest, the life oozing out of him, he retreated to the safest place he could think of: Mama’s room.
He had always been his mother’s son. How many times, as a little boy, had he tiptoed down this same short hallway, curled up at the foot of her bed, and watched TV with the volume low until she woke up?
How We Wasted Our Time In ’99
Once again, the end of the year draws near, and all I want for Christmas is my time back.
That’s right. Here in America, Home of the Hype, we give up so many hours to subjects that seem SOOOOOOO important at the moment, yet turn out to be a colossal waste of time.
I want mine back.
I want it now.
For example, every minute spent talking about “The Phantom Menace,” an overblown, big, fat zero of a film that was nonetheless on the cover of every magazine and paper and on the lips of every TV broadcaster, radio host and McDonald’s Happy Meal dispenser this summer?
Why Batch’s Status Rates A Thumbs-Down
GOOD MORNING, class. The question today is simple: Which of the following is the greatest mystery of all?
A) The riddle of the Sphinx.
B) Stonehenge.
C) Charlie Batch’s thumb.
The answer is C, Charlie Batch’s thumb. Not because it is as complex as the Sphinx or Stonehenge. In fact, Charlie’s thumb is pretty simple. It’s attached to his hand, like the rest of our thumbs. He can stick it out if he wants to hitchhike. He can wiggle it, bend it, he can jam it in his nose.
Buccaneers Expose All The Lions’ Weaknesses
TAMPA, FLA. — From one side came defensive lineman Chidi Ahanotu, breathing fire. From the other side came defensive end Warren Sapp, ready to chew someone’s arm off. There was no escape. No hole to dive into. It was like being trampled by buffalo, and all Gus Frerotte could do on this final fourth down was try to wrangle his hand free and whisk the ball away, like a man heaving the treasure as he goes off the cliff.
Incomplete pass. The Tampa crowd roared.
And that was the end of our kidding ourselves around here.
LIONS ARE EXPOSEDLOSS TO BUCS REVEALS ALL THEIR SHORTCOMINGS
TAMPA, FLA. — From one side came a defensive lineman weighing 285 pounds and breathing fire. From another side came a defensive tackle, weighing 303 pounds and named Warren Sapp. There was no escape. No safety route. It was like being trampled by buffalo, and...
FRUITLESS PURSUIT OF HIGH-TECH GHOSTS
Let’s say I have a business idea. My idea may never make money. And if it doesn’t make money, I won’t be able to stay afloat.I tell you this up front. Then I ask you to invest in me. What do you do?A) Laugh hysterically.B) Say, “Sorry, I gave...Stay Connected
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