Christmas Carols Take On A Locker-Room Air

Christmas Carols Take On A Locker-Room Air

Yes, sir. It’s that time of year again. You open your door and on your porch is the entire sports world, singing its unique versions of popular Christmas carols. Such as …

Scott Mitchell sings …

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”

I saw Bobby picking Charlie Batch

And I knew my Detroit years were thru

He could have used me once

Maybe let me kick some punts

Instead I’m standing every week

With a clipboard like a dunce

I saw Bobby picking Charlie Batch

And I knew that I would say good-bye

Oh, I wonder what you’ll say

Christmas Carols Take On A Locker-Room Air

ATHLETES SHOULD BE MAN ENOUGH TO CRY

You can snap a man’s leg in half. You can pummel a guy and spit in his face. You can dance when you score a touchdown, or trash talk an opponent as if he were a pig that just soiled your carpet.But you better not cry.No, sir. There’s no crying in football....
Christmas Carols Take On A Locker-Room Air

ALMIGHTY BUCK WINS HOMER RACE

NEWS ITEM: The fan who snatched Mark McGwire’s 70th home run has decided to put the ball up for auction. It could fetch more than $1 million.Well, now. Are we surprised?A man goes to a baseball game. A player hits a historic home run. The ball lands where the...
Christmas Carols Take On A Locker-Room Air

Walk-On Encyclopedia Of Stories At Michigan

It’s true, playing big-time college basketball can get you fame, money and lots of female admirers. But sometimes you’re happy with a black eye.

“That was my proof that I was really on the team,” says Michigan’s Erik Szyndlar, who took an elbow from Robert Traylor in practice a few years ago, and got a shiner the size of Brazil. “My eye was so swollen, I couldn’t see or read anything. But I was telling everyone, ‘Robert Traylor gave me this!’

“It showed people that I really did play for Michigan.”

Christmas Carols Take On A Locker-Room Air

One Man’S Attempt To Empty His Pockets

It began with my pockets.

My pockets were always stuffed. My pockets bulged. The inside of my pockets looked like the bottom of an office trash basket. Small pieces of paper stuck to smaller pieces of paper. Receipts wrapped around notes folded into business cards — all crushed into a shapeless wad that engorged my left and right pant legs. It looked as if I traveled with tuna sandwiches in my jeans.

Christmas Carols Take On A Locker-Room Air

HAVEN’T TIGERS DONE ENOUGH FOR CECIL?

So Cecil Fielder wants to be a Tiger again. Quick, hide the buffet table.I remember when Detroit was the only team to offer the Japan-based Fielder a job. He happily took it. And later, when the Tigers offered him the biggest contract in their history, he happily took...
Christmas Carols Take On A Locker-Room Air

Not Nearly Enough Mission To Storm-Torn Honduras Underscores A People’S Cry For Mercy

SAN PEDRO SULA, Honduras — The flight took off Monday morning, before sunrise, with stars still dotting the Detroit sky. Within an hour, there was breakfast served, cheese omelettes, muffins, piping hot coffee. Newspapers were passed around. Conversations were spirited. Nineteen people, including an NBA coach, a local businessman, airline reps, a TV executive, an ambassador and several journalists, had come together to do some good. Or so we thought. We were bringing supplies to a hurricane-ravaged area. We felt excited, maybe even a little bloated in how benevolent a thing this was.

Christmas Carols Take On A Locker-Room Air

Want To Work Out? Fight A Phony Fire

Although I live in the Midwest, I try to keep up with what’s happening on the coasts. You can bet if a hot trend develops in New York or Los Angeles, a few years later we are mimicking it here in the heartland.

For example, in the ’70s, we didn’t know what therapy was, and by the ’80s, everyone had a shrink. Just like LA.

Or remember a few years ago, when you could buy bagels only in supermarkets, and now you can’t drive half a mile without a bagel shop that sells 15 flavors. Just like New York.