THE LIVE ALBOM
* Ever since I returned from the Super Bowl, people have been asking me, “How did you like the game?”
* And I say, “Fine. How did you like the Grenada Invasion?”
* Excuses The Broncos Can Use This Summer:
1. “Can you believe those refs?”
2. ” . . . and the next thing I know, this guy has stolen my uniform and is out there screwing up–“
It was as pointless as shooting rubber bands at a tank. Here came the Purdue Boilermakers, and Michigan tried to — swish! — oops never mind, now here they came again, put a hand in their faces — swish! — oops, never mind, now came the break, stop it before — swish! — oops, we better — swish! swish!
Forget it. If Purdue shoots like this the rest of the way, you can wrap up the Big Ten title in black and gold paper. Right now. You better hurry — swish! — up.
NEW ORLEANS — A-hem. If we can have your attention, please. We are about to begin the slide show entitled “Our Week At The Super Bowl” or “Get That Cigar Out Of My Face You Ugly Denver Mutant.” This is a close-up view of the life of a sports writer, and should not be confused with the TV show “Wild Kingdom,” although parts may look the same.
Before we begin this year’s debate I want to inform my boss that Curt Sylvester has been working much too hard lately, and we should send him on a nice vacation for six months, or as long as the doctors think it will take.
NEW ORLEANS — “Hello, Doc.”
“Why, Mr. Elway. You’re back.”
“Yeah.”
“Something wrong?”
“Kind of.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Guess so.”
“Lie down on the couch. Now then, is the press bothering you again?”
“A little bit.”
“You feel suffocated.”
“Well, I–“
“You are overwhelmed.”
“Well, I–“
“They’re asking what kind of Halloween candy you gave out. They’re interviewing your milkman. They’re picking through your trash, hoping to find what brand of toilet paper you use.”
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