HEY, I’LL DO WHAT I CAN TO HELP OUT
I am carrying my play book. I am carrying my helmet. I walk onto the field and motion at the ball boy.”Gimme one,” I say.I throw a few practice passes. Little things, maybe five or 10 yards. The coaches look me over and shrug.”He’s as good as...
HIDEOUS TIE GAGS HAWKEYE FANS – AND BO
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Well, at least it shut the fans up. Iowa boosters, who had been making life miserable all day for Michigan, filed slowly out of Kinnick Stadium with blank looks on their faces. A tie? What were they supposed to do with a tie? Be happy? Be...
Hail To The Losers Valiant, Hail To . . .
I am empty. I am broken-hearted. All around me, college football fans are gearing up for the weekend. They wave Michigan banners. They wave Iowa banners. They talk of how Miami will beat Notre Dame, or how Notre Dame will beat Miami. They stock up on pretzels and hot chocolate.
I sit by the window.
“What’s wrong?” asks a voice.
“Alone,” I say, sadly, waving a blue and white pom-pon. “All revved up and nowhere to go.”
Klima’S Party Now A Wings’ Nightmare
Once upon a time he hid in the back of a dark Mercedes as it raced through the German countryside. He was a scared kid defecting from his homeland.
On Sunday morning, he hid in the front of his four-wheel- drive truck after it smashed into a car on Woodward Avenue. He was a drunken adult, hoping the cop wouldn’t see he’d been driving.
I don’t know what Petr Klima dreamt of when he came to America three years ago. I doubt it was prison. Or a rehab center. Or life with no paycheck. He is facing all three now.
Forgive The New Guy If He’S A Little Rusty
He was wearing a Detroit Lions cap and he stood under a Detroit Lions banner. He was still wearing his Detroit Lions pants.
“Had you ever played in the Silverdome before today?” a reporter asked.
“No,” he said.
“Had you ever been in the Silverdome?”
“No.”
“Had you ever been in Detroit?”
“No.”
A WHISPER, AND PUNTER TAKES OFF
ANN ARBOR — The biggest problem was the referee. He wouldn’t get out of the way.”Move, ref,” whispered Michigan punter Mike Gillette, hoping Michigan State’s defense wouldn’t hear him. “Move. Come on. Move. . . . “It was...
WHO IS AMERICA’S FAVORITE MIDGET?
I have returned from the Far East. I am seeing some strange things in the NFL. Especially at quarterback.I am seeing someone named Rypien on the Super Bowl champions.I am seeing someone named Pagel (rhymes with bagel) on my Super Bowl pick, the Cleveland Browns.In...
No Line Available For The Dressage
SEOUL, South Korea — I will tell you how much football I have seen in the last two weeks. Twenty minutes. It is shown between 3 and 6 a.m. on Sunday nights here. One game. Usually Buffalo is in it, I don’t know why.
I do know, however, everything you need to know about rowing, yachting, bowling, synchronized swimming, dressage, judo, epee, butterfly, javelin, and rhythmic gymnastics.
Unfortunately, I can’t get a point spread on any of them.
So here are this week’s picks . . .
THE OLYMPICS ARE BACKJOY, HEARTBREAK, CONTROVERSY– AND A FLOOD OF MEMORIES
SEOUL, South Korea — The gloves are unlaced, the shoes are removed, the water in the pool is still. The Games of Summer will close today, amid a splash of color and ceremony. It will take days to pack up and weeks to clean up and years, perhaps, to pay up, but...Stay Connected
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