Detroit Free Press

Sometimes I wonder whether television is covering the same world as the rest of us.In the world we live in, Saddam Hussein is, at best, a political tyrant. At worst, he's a raving lunatic. Nowhere -- at least nowhere that I know of -- is he considered a prize.Except in the land of TV.

CINCINNATI -- He began his NFL career by fumbling the snap, then picking up the ball and throwing it anyhow. The ...

After awhile, even journalists get tired of bad news. It seems as if every time you pick up a paper, the stories are shocking, depressing or disgusting. And that's just the sports pages.Wouldn't it be nice if, just once, you could control the news flow? Then we might see stories such as these:

The year was 1968. The nation was rumbling. War. Riots. Free love. And music, always music. Folk rock. Motown. And then there was this song. It began with a churning electric guitar, a locomotive sound that dug straight into your belly. You found yourself reaching for handlebars, gunning your engine. Then a growling voice came through the speakers. "Get your motor runnin' . . . Get out on the highway . . . Looking for adventure . . . in whatever comes our way . . . "

NEW YORK -- So there we were with nothing to do on a Monday night in Boston except maybe eat another lobster and talk about Bill Buckner's spring training when I suddenly turned to Mary Schroeder, our ace photographer, and said, "Say, Mary. I've got a smashing idea. Let's jet on down to the Big Apple for the premiere of that hot new comic sensation that everyone is talking about. Won't that be a stitch!"And Mary said: "Spiffy!"And I said: "James, call the limo!"

I have good news for Elvis fans. He is not dead. Jim Arnold says so. Jim also says he and Elvis are good friends. ...