by Mitch Albom | Feb 23, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
Ifinally figured out the appeal of Trista Rehn, a.k.a. “The Bachelorette.”
She’s a guy.
Oh, I don’t mean physically. I mean the way she plays the game. First, she gets the ultimate guy fantasy — a couple of dozen cuties all trying to win her affection.
Then, one by one, she tries and discards them, just like a guy. And when she narrows it down to two, she tells one partner, “Don’t be upset if I sleep with the other one.”
And the partner says OK!
Are you kidding? This woman would be King of the Frat House!
by Mitch Albom | Feb 20, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
The flowers at the funeral were bright and colorful, white orchids and pink carnations spreading across the pulpit. A singer wailed a plaintive hymn, “I know He holds my hand.” A church elder urged the assembled to ignore the newspapers and remember that “a man’s legacy is not determined by one chapter of his life.” He said only those who truly knew the Lord could say who they thought He was.
Then he asked the mourners: “Who do YOU think Eddie Martin was?”
by Mitch Albom | Feb 16, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
Try to imagine America defeated by a foreign power — Russia, let’s say — and then Russia assigning one of its generals to run the United States, “just for a while.””Just for a while” meaning two to 10 years.Your child grows up...
by Mitch Albom | Feb 14, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
Now that Annika Sorenstam, the best female golfer in the world, has accepted an invitation to play a PGA Tour event — against the best male golfers in the world — a lot of people want to weigh in.
Some say, “Good for her.” They feel if a woman is good enough to hold her own against the men, why not let her try?
Others say, “This is the end of the world. If a woman plays on the men’s tour, then men should play on the women’s tour — and then where would we be?”
Well. We wouldn’t be at Augusta, I can tell you that.
by Mitch Albom | Feb 9, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
Editor’s note: This column contains words that could be offensive. But the Free Press thinks they’re important to understand the columnist’s view.But enough about war. Let us turn to a truly serious issue: whether Ozzy Osbourne deserves a Pepsi...
by Mitch Albom | Feb 6, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
He sounded a bit nervous. But then, if you were being handed, at the same time, the biggest paycheck of your career and the second-worst team in pro football, wouldn’t you be nervous, too?
“Just tell me one thing,” I asked Steve Mariucci, the Lions’ new head coach, Wednesday afternoon, “tell me you can win more than three games next year.”
“Ah, ah . . .” he said, stalling, “we’ll go one game at a time.”
“No,” I insisted. “Please. Just say you can win three games. Just say it. You can, right?”
“Ah, ah,” he laughed. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”
by Mitch Albom | Feb 5, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
Put on the coffee. Pull open the shades. The Detroit Lions, awakening from a decades-long slumber, are today, officially, entering the 21st Century.
They are, for the first time, hiring a coach that other teams actually covet. They are, for the first time, paying the kind of money the top teams pay and the top coaches get. They are, for the first time, jumping feet first into the sandbox with the other top NFL teams, looking to a proven, young winner to guide them — instead of some who-dat face they got on the cheap.
by Mitch Albom | Jan 28, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
“We will make no changes. I will be here and Marty Mornhinweg will be here.” Matt Millen, four weeks ago So he called an audible. So what? You’re telling me you were happy with the way things were?Lions president Matt Millen fired coach Marty...
by Mitch Albom | Jan 27, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
SAN DIEGO — We can all retire now. Tampa Bay has won a Super Bowl. The Red Sea has parted, elephants can fly, insurance companies are cutting their rates in half, and Michael Jackson will win Man of the Year. A franchise that once dressed like a Creamsicle was...
by Mitch Albom | Jan 26, 2003 | Detroit Free Press
SAN DIEGO — This is what I saw sitting across from me: Don King, the boxing promoter, with his frizzled gray hair and shaded glasses, grinning and yelling and mopping his brow with a napkin. He was mouthing on and on about his latest boxing promotion — “Call your local cable operators! Call your local pay-per-view!” — working himself into a real lather.
