LA PLAGNE, France -- I rarely go to bobsled races, because I can see the same thing at a bank robbery. Two guys in masks come running out, jump in a vehicle, duck and drive away. Big deal.But I did attend the Olympic bobsled race Sunday, because certain circumstances demanded it, such as national interest, and the fact that if I didn't go to bobsled, I had to go to figure skating, in which the ice dancerswere scheduled to do The Original Mandatory Program, which this year is . . . the polka! I am not making this up. Roll out . . . the barrel!Also, Herschel Walker.
VAL d'ISERE, France -- Being the first skier on the Olympic downhill is like being the first float in a parade: People wave, but they're looking over your shoulder. They're waiting for the good stuff that comes next.
The conventional wisdom in basketball says no game in January can be that important. The Chicago Bulls would like to believe that.Forget the fact that the Bulls were tied for first place coming into the Palace Tuesday night. They were little better than an also-ran to the suddenly streaking Pistons, who have won six straight and sent fans home early with a 100-90 embarrassment of Michael Jordan and company."It was a strange game," said Pistons coach Chuck Daly on a night when his team so dominated that it led the Bulls by as many as 21 points. "They looked a little flat."
He leaves the job the way he entered it, as a gentleman, no harsh words. These traits, of course, are also why Bryan Murray is finished coaching in Detroit. No more Mr. Nice Guys. Suddenly, they say, we need a man with a whip.
* Detroit 22, Chicago 20: Erik Kramer and Joni Mitchell team up for a new duet: "I've looked at life from both benches now . . . "* Kansas City 23, Cleveland 20: If the Browns do win the AFC, couldn't they be promoted to a better color, like The Yellows?
NEWS ITEM: Friday, Aug. 16, was the anniversary of Elvis Presley's death in 1977. Thousands mourned at Graceland, his home. Some, however, believe Presley is alive. . . . "I met Elvis at the supermarket. He was coming down the frozen foods aisle and I was coming up. His black hair was long now and pushed under a baseball cap. He wore oversized sunglasses. But I knew it was him. I have every album, I've seen every movie -- even "Clambake." I knew it was him.
Snow is falling. I hear a knock. I open my door. And look who I see doing their sports Christmas carols . . . Wayne Fontes, "Silent Night" Silent night, roster is light, This one's injured, that one's tight Down went Rodney, and Jerry and Mike Eric and Cofer, they're riding the bike Could we get a delay-ayyy and do the playoffs next May?
I never got to say good-bye to Scott Hastings. Neither did anyone else around here. He was traded a few weeks ago, to Denver of all places. Jack McCloskey, who moves the pieces on the Pistons' board, made the deal, then telephoned Hastings in Atlanta, where he lives in the off-season. "Hello, Scott?" Jack said, and Hastings acted surprised, like he was hearing from an old college buddy. "Hey! Jack! What's up?" And Jack chuckled and said, "Come on. You know what's up."
TO: NFL MANAGEMENTFROM: DETROIT LIONS FANS Dear Sirs:Please excuse our football team from next week's Monday night game against the San Francisco 49ers. We will be unable to attend because of a total lack of desire to end the season with a loss on network TV to a team so powerful it uses Joe Montana as a scrub.No thanks. We prefer to close the season right here, in Detroit, after Sunday's 16-3 victory over Chicago. Even with our losing football team, beating the Bears still means something. Mostly it means we can go to bed without vomiting.
I tap my clipboard. I glance at my watch. I am standing in the Tigers' clubhouse, waiting for Kirk Gibson. I figure he's next. And then Lance Parrish, or maybe Tom Brookens. I have already checked off the following names from my former Tigers list: Dan Petry. Check. Darnell Coles. Check. Walt Terrell. Check.Walt Terrell?"I was kind of surprised myself," Terrell said as he again pulled on a Tigers uniform before the game Sunday. "I figured since they traded me three years ago, there wouldn't be a lot of interest in me a second time."
Hmm.Let's see if I rmlr..remeb..remember Oops...V$&Tlzj $!!!...wait a sec."First press 'log on' button."Ahhhhhhhh...Well now. Back to work. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. They also say college gets you a good job. So they are on drugs, I guess.But I will say this: sitting on the sidelines all summer has made me a much smarter sports columnist.I have been right about everything.
Contrary to popular belief, there is one thing Barry Sanders did not do that he was supposed to do this year. He did not appear on "Late Show with David Letterman." Scheduling problem. A shame, really. The Letterman people see this supersonic little running back, great moves, beloved by kids, they figure "Terrific. Dave will have a blast. Book him."What they don't know is Barry's verbal repertoire, with people he doesn't know, usually consists of these three sentences:1. "Hmm."2. "Is that right?"3. "You think so?"
