Detroit Free Press

FAME IS FLEETING WITH TERMINATOR CALLING THE TUNE

FAME IS FLEETING WITH TERMINATOR CALLING THE TUNE

NEW YORK -- Andy Warhol said everyone gets his 15 minutes, and I guess I just had mine. Actually, it was only five minutes. With Arnold Schwarzenegger. And one minute with Dyan Cannon. And seven seconds with Donald Trump, who really needs a new haircut. I mean, his hair just kind of creeps up his forehead, like a raccoon climbing a tree. I wanted to say, "Donald. Here's five bucks. Go down to the barber shop, ask for Al. . ."But I digress.
SPARKY VS. FREEP: A POINTLESS SQUABBLE

SPARKY VS. FREEP: A POINTLESS SQUABBLE

On the one hand, I really don't want to write this column. It's a pretty foolish issue. On the other hand, sometimes foolish issues grow into serious ones, and it's best to nip them in the bud.First, let me say I like Sparky Anderson. I always have. He's a bona fide legend in baseball, even if the Tigers lose the rest of their games this season, which we are praying very hard won't happen.
HEARTLESSBASEBALL BRINGS NO JOY TO AMERICA

HEARTLESSBASEBALL BRINGS NO JOY TO AMERICA

There goes your old friend baseball. You remember him from a happier time, when he walked with his head high, waving at children and swatting home runs. He is stooped over now, fat and bloated, drunk on his own greed. There is no saving him. No one even wants to try.
‘EXCUSE ME, BILL . . .’LAIMBEER’S ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THANHIS WORDS . . . TOO BAD

‘EXCUSE ME, BILL . . .’LAIMBEER’S ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THANHIS WORDS . . . TOO BAD

They come at Bill Laimbeer like kids in a zoo. Look at the beast. You think he bites? This is Laimbeer's life now, every day, in a restaurant, on the street, you can't hide when you're 6-feet-11. Even at home, he's sitting on his porch by the lake, and people approach in their boats and they kill the engine and float past, staring, whispering, "That's him, there. Look."
A SOLUTION: REPORTERS, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES

A SOLUTION: REPORTERS, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES

Last Monday, Cincinnati Bengals coach Sam Wyche decided he didn't want to let a female reporter into his team's locker room. For this, commissioner Paul Tagliabue fined him nearly $30,000 and rejected Sam's plan to chase out the women -- and the men -- after 20 minutes. I have heard a million ideas on this male/female locker room thing. About the only one that made me laugh was the one suggested by Shawn Burr of the Red Wings. Shawn said: "I think the fairest thing is if everyone took their clothes off."Wonder what Sam would think of that one?
‘I WANTED TO BE HERCULES’HIS LIFE SHATTERED BY STEROIDS,SAM VIRGO STRUGGLES BACK

‘I WANTED TO BE HERCULES’HIS LIFE SHATTERED BY STEROIDS,SAM VIRGO STRUGGLES BACK

Twice a week, in the early morning, he takes his cane and tries to walk around the block. His steps are labored, his movements stiff and exaggerated, like a puppet yanked by strings. He passes the red brick house and the one with aluminum siding. Cane. Step. Cane. Step. You can do it, he's thinking. But by the time he turns the corner, he is sweating. Soon he is short of breath. Past the silver fence now. Around the next corner. Cane. Step.
WILL LIONS BE BURIED IN JERSEY?

WILL LIONS BE BURIED IN JERSEY?

* Detroit 24, NY Jets 20: They say Jimmy Hoffa is buried under the Meadowlands. Wayne Fontes doesn't want to join him.* Dallas 20, Cleveland 12: The Browns get a break when Nick Saban convinces Troy Aikman he ought to go back to college -- at Michigan State.

Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.

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