The Latest in Detroit Free Press

YES, IT’S A WACKY WORLD IN MERRY OLD ENGLAND

YES, IT’S A WACKY WORLD IN MERRY OLD ENGLAND

LONDON -- Yes, once again, it's time for our annual report on our forefathers across the pond, the people who gave back Hong Kong but kept the Spice Girls, the people for whom the Fourth of July is simply another lousy day in the colony business, yes, I'm talking about the Brits.What's 'appening ovah 'ere?
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY — THE RED WINGS DOSSIER

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY — THE RED WINGS DOSSIER

To: President Bill ClintonThe White HouseWashington, D.C.Dear Mr. President:We, the citizens of Detroit, can't tell you how thrilled we are that our Red Wings are facing a Washington, D.C., hockey team for the Stanley Cup. The prospect of you attending a Wings game is truly exciting.I believe you know our team. They were guests at the White House. No sir, they didn't stay in the Lincoln Bedroom. We don't have that kind of money. We had to give it to Sergei Fedorov.
NCAA: GOOD NEWS AND BAD FOR U-M

NCAA: GOOD NEWS AND BAD FOR U-M

Everyone checks their mail this time of year. But the folks at Michigan weren't looking for Christmas cards. They were waiting for a letter to render judgment on their basketball program. And this week, just before the holidays, the NCAA dropped some news in the mailbox.Now, in the spirit of the holidays, I will not reprint the actual NCAA language here, since reprinting anything the NCAA says could result in instant sleep, and who needs that with all the Christmas shopping left to do?
OFF NIGHT BY WINGS WON’T BE FATAL, RIGHT?

OFF NIGHT BY WINGS WON’T BE FATAL, RIGHT?

CHICAGO -- As someone once said, if you're going to lose a game by forgetting your style, getting slammed on the boards, misplacing your scoring touch, half-hearting your defense, and generally lacking the speed, strength and desire that brought you your success, you might as well do it when you're up three games to none.
BROKEN WINGSAVALANCHE WINS, 4-1, TO END DREAM SEASON

BROKEN WINGSAVALANCHE WINS, 4-1, TO END DREAM SEASON

DENVER -- The dream died in the mountains, a mile above sea level, where the air is thin and it is difficult to breathe. And as cold reality sank in -- one goal behind, two goals behind, three goals behind -- you could feel the Red Wings players gasping, suffocating, all the good things they had done this season crashing to earth like a boulder during an avalanche. Or should we say, Avalanche?Snowed under.
COACH NEEDS SUPER RESUME

COACH NEEDS SUPER RESUME

First of all, Wayne Fontes is still the coach of the Lions. I don't fire him. You don't fire him. All the pundits on radio and TV don't fire him. That task is for someone named Ford, and if you go by the history of that name and this team, well, there's no telling what might happen.But just as we do our Christmas shopping early for a holiday that is still weeks off, perhaps the Fords already are thinking about a new man for the job, even though the current coach has three games left to endure, er, play.
PROFESSOR TURNS DYING INTO A FINAL LESSON

PROFESSOR TURNS DYING INTO A FINAL LESSON

In March of 1995, a limousine carrying Ted Koppel, the host of ABC-TV's "Nightline," pulled up to the snow-covered curb outside Morrie's house in West Newton, Massachusetts.Morrie was in a wheelchair full-time now, getting used to helpers lifting him like a heavy sack from the chair to the bed and the bed to the chair. He had begun to cough while eating, and chewing was a chore. His legs were dead; he would never walk again.
IT’S A LITTLE LATE FOR CHUNG TO COMPLAIN

IT’S A LITTLE LATE FOR CHUNG TO COMPLAIN

When Connie Chung was given one of the most powerful jobs in America, she didn't ask questions. She took it. She didn't care that she was made coanchor of the CBS Evening News mostly because CBS wanted to beat NBC to the punch of hiring a woman. She never said, "That's the wrong reason to hire me."Ratings were at stake. She took advantage.
WHERE HAVE ALL OUR HEROES OF ’99 GONE?

WHERE HAVE ALL OUR HEROES OF ’99 GONE?

GRANDPA'S HOUSE, THE YEAR 2035 -- The old man put his grandson on his knee and opened a dusty scrapbook."Who's that, Grandpa?" the child asked."That's the greatest quarterback I ever saw," the old man said. "His name was John Elway.""Where's his rocket booster?"
LIONS FLUSHED AGAIN, AND NOT WITH SUCCESS

LIONS FLUSHED AGAIN, AND NOT WITH SUCCESS

CHICAGO -- Barry Sanders, maybe the best running back in the history of the game, was stuck in the corner with camera lights blinding his eyes. He looked down. He mumbled his answers. For every time he mentioned "pride," he mentioned "disappointment." For every time he said "honor," he said "frustration." He sniffed between questions and pulled on his neck, as if coaxing the words up through his throat. He never smiled.