Detroit Free Press

BARCELONA, Spain -- Now the flashbulbs were snapping like crazy. He had to laugh at that. Last summer, someone ...

BARCELONA, Spain -- I had promised myself I would go the whole weekend without speaking, writing, or even thinking the words "Dream Team."But this is too good to resist.It now seems that our rich and talented NBA heroes -- whom we sent here to stomp on those commie heathens and bring home the old basketball glory -- may not step up for their Olympic gold medal after all.In fact, Michael Jordan, the biggest star on the team, said, "They can mail me the medal. I'm not getting up on that victory stand."

BARCELONA, Spain -- They come to stare at Ben Johnson now, as if he were a baby in a stroller, only they look at how much smaller he has grown, instead of how much bigger."His torso's half the size!" someone whispers."Look at the arms. Much less definition.""Thighs are shrunken, too."

BARCELONA, Spain -- So where does Kim Zmeskal go for a refund? Where does she go to get back the childhood she ...

BARCELONA, Spain -- Now, wait a minute. I think we've taken this "all sports are equal" thing a little too far here. Badminton? Badminton is an Olympic event? You win a medal for slapping a birdie over a net? What's next? Olympic hot dog grilling?"Badminton's cool," someone says. "Go see it."Listen, pal. I know badminton. I know the roots of badminton. The roots of badminton are in your basement, in a box that sits untouched until the Fourth of July barbecue, when you take it out and pray the moths haven't completely eaten the rackets. Here is what happens next:

BARCELONA, Spain -- Most Olympians earn their medals when they cross a finish line. Gustavo Borges got his over a ...

BARCELONA, Spain -- "Are you crying?" she was asked."No," said Janet Evans, her eyes moist. "No, I'm fine." She ...

BARCELONA, Spain -- The class was Humiliation 101. The teachers were Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. The student was a baby-faced Croatian named Toni Kukoc.By the time they were done with him, Kukoc was small enough to fit through a keyhole -- and when he started the game, he was 6-feet-10. Poor Toni. I guess it's not enough that his country has been reduced to rubble. Michael and Scottie wanted to get in a few shots, too.