Detroit Free Press

SALT LAKE CITY -- It is raining down in Birmingham, Ala., and the air is a balmy 69 degrees. Yolanda Cooper, a ...

SALT LAKE CITY -- Blame your parents. If they had named you Apolo when you popped from the womb, then you, too, ...

SALT LAKE CITY -- I knew this would happen if we didn't change the borders. The American sports mentality has finally infected Canada."Other countries hate us," declared Wayne Gretzky, the man who put together Canada's Olympic hockey team, which plays Finland in the lose-and-you're-out round starting today. "Nobody wants us to win but the guys in our locker room."It sickens my stomach to turn the TV on and hear some of the things they're saying about us. They're loving us not doing well. It's a big story for them."

SALT LAKE CITY -- One more night like this, and skaters will be dumping their coaches left and right.Michelle ...

"I may not have been the fastest skater out there, but I'm the Olympic champion. So I'm stoked!"-- Steven Bradbury, Australian short-track speedskaterSALT LAKE CITY -- It is not for me, as a man who can barely stay upright in dress shoes, to advise Olympic speedskaters about their tactics.But I'll do it anyway. For when it comes to winning a gold medal, there are many approaches, but one of them should not be this:Go as slowly as you can and wait for everyone else to fall down.

SALT LAKE CITY -- But enough about the judges. Let's get to the real issue in figure skating. The costumes.Really. As a man, I can be silent no longer. If the women want to skate in flamenco red and baby-doll blue -- fine. Who am I to complain? I stopped understanding women's clothing when the miniskirt went maxi.But watching my fellow males skate in leprechaun vests, tan boots, sequined belts and puffed sleeves that haven't been seen in athletic competition since Sir Lancelot jousted King Arthur -- well, that's it.I'm putting my skate down.

SALT LAKE CITY -- Get your scandal scorecard. Here we go.The silver medalists are now gold medalists. The gold ...

SALT LAKE CITY -- "REPRESENTING THE UNITED STATES, TODD ELDREDGE."They come to the Games in search of a name. "Olympic champion." "Olympic gold medalist." No matter the sport, no matter the nation, the dream is the same: Everyone wants new syllables.