Detroit Free Press

So this is how far it has sunk. Tom Monaghan, who used to worship the turf Bo Schembechler walked on, now fires ...

BARCELONA, Spain -- And you thought your little 9-year-old, sitting in the house playing video games all day, was blowing his chance at the Olympics. Are you kidding? We have a job for him right now.Boxing judge.In fact, if we had a few more 9-year-olds over here, we would probably have one fewer Olympic controversy this morning. That's because boxing, a sport that seems determined to sink under its own stupidity, has suddenly made it more important to test the reflexes of its judges than its boxers.See if you can follow this:

BARCELONA, Spain -- Now the flashbulbs were snapping like crazy. He had to laugh at that. Last summer, someone ...

BARCELONA, Spain -- I had promised myself I would go the whole weekend without speaking, writing, or even thinking the words "Dream Team."But this is too good to resist.It now seems that our rich and talented NBA heroes -- whom we sent here to stomp on those commie heathens and bring home the old basketball glory -- may not step up for their Olympic gold medal after all.In fact, Michael Jordan, the biggest star on the team, said, "They can mail me the medal. I'm not getting up on that victory stand."

BARCELONA, Spain -- They come to stare at Ben Johnson now, as if he were a baby in a stroller, only they look at how much smaller he has grown, instead of how much bigger."His torso's half the size!" someone whispers."Look at the arms. Much less definition.""Thighs are shrunken, too."

BARCELONA, Spain -- So where does Kim Zmeskal go for a refund? Where does she go to get back the childhood she ...

BARCELONA, Spain -- Now, wait a minute. I think we've taken this "all sports are equal" thing a little too far here. Badminton? Badminton is an Olympic event? You win a medal for slapping a birdie over a net? What's next? Olympic hot dog grilling?"Badminton's cool," someone says. "Go see it."Listen, pal. I know badminton. I know the roots of badminton. The roots of badminton are in your basement, in a box that sits untouched until the Fourth of July barbecue, when you take it out and pray the moths haven't completely eaten the rackets. Here is what happens next:

BARCELONA, Spain -- Most Olympians earn their medals when they cross a finish line. Gustavo Borges got his over a ...