Detroit Free Press

TORONTO -- In the fifth inning of this city's last baseball game of the year, a fan jumped the fence, ran to centerfield and pulled down his pants. The fans roared. This way, they got to see a moon and stars in a single evening.

At the moment of truth, he ran away, avoided the tackle, as if there were some end zone he could reach and be safe -- safe from the handcuffs, the police, the cameras, the courts, the blood of the victims they say he killed, maybe even safe from the death penalty. The police were right behind him, 11 squad cars, like an opposing football team, and they chased patiently along the Southern California highway, even as spectators stopped their cars, some waving signs saying "GO JUICE." This is what the man who dashed through airports had become. O.J.

TAMPA, Fla. -- There is fertilizer, there is horse manure, and then there is the game the Lions played Sunday. Did I say played? I meant dis-played. They dis-played punts, they dis- played returns, they dis-played snap counts. They even sent 12 men on the field and couldn't do anything. This was after Tampa Bay sent 10 men on the field and couldn't do anything.Why not send the Little Rascals out there? Then we'd have a fair fight.

Listen, Curt, I've got that rubbing ointment you asked for. I guess your butt must really hurt, considering how hard you jumped on that bandwagon. Washington to win the Super Bowl? Stop the presses! The man goes out on a limb! Of course, I understand why you want to play the favorites this year. Should we remind everyone? Curt? Are you turning red? . . . Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the man who selected New England to beat Chicago in Super Bowl XX and Denver to beat San Francisco in Super Bowl XXIV and was off only by a mere 81 points.

Let's face it. Even though men and women live together, work together and sleep together, they are not always on the same page.MAN (watching Three Stooges): Ho! Haha!WOMAN: I'm leaving you. MAN: What's that, hon--HAHAHEEHEE!Nowhere is this difference more apparent than in the world of sports, where men will tell you, on the scale of Truly Important Things In Life, there is 1) the 1975 World Series, 2) who was better in his prime, Magic or Bird? 3) the polio vaccine.Whereas women have it all backward.

PORTLAND, Ore. -- They danced off the court and into the castle on the clouds, carrying the scars and lumps and exhausted smiles that told you the journey was tough, the journey was costly, but the journey, finally, was over."We're back!" the Pistons seemed to roar as they headed for their champagne locker room and their rightful place on the throne, after beating Portland, 92-90, with a last-minute flourish to capture their second straight NBA championship. "We win! We won! We're back! "

I never understood the fuss over Madonna, since she is hardly the first woman to try and rip off Marilyn Monroe.But I have to hand it to her. She has turned the American public into the world's biggest sap.First she films an erotic music video. Then MTV refuses to show it. So Madonna goes on ABC's "Nightline" to protest censorship. As part of the program, the entire video is shown.And now it sets a record for copies shipped. Fans can't wait to buy it.