Detroit Free Press

Now that Annika Sorenstam, the best female golfer in the world, has accepted an invitation to play a PGA Tour event -- against the best male golfers in the world -- a lot of people want to weigh in.Some say, "Good for her." They feel if a woman is good enough to hold her own against the men, why not let her try?Others say, "This is the end of the world. If a woman plays on the men's tour, then men should play on the women's tour -- and then where would we be?"Well. We wouldn't be at Augusta, I can tell you that.

Last week, as I sat before my TV watching Tonya Harding pummel Paula Jones, I was struck with a sudden thought.More.I want Darva Conger next. Linda Tripp after that. Jenny McCarthy should be in the wings, alongside Gennifer Flowers, (Downtown) Julie Brown, Lorena Bobbitt and that witchy woman from "Survivor."

My freshman year at college I lived in a dorm, next to a guy on the basketball team. His last name was Carrington. He was funny. He kept bragging to everyone about how good he was, how the Celtics were going to give him a tryout, but when we went to the games, he didn't even start. He came off the bench.

Scotty Bowman's eyes were moist, his shirt was soaked and his hair was sticky from sprayed champagne. It had been only two hours since he and the Red Wings recaptured the Stanley Cup, but somehow, in that brief time, something had changed. His voice. It was missing its normal edge. It was gentler now, more reasoned, more resigned, like a drill sergeant who had gone from giving orders to soldiers to taking them from his wife."I wanted to tell the team," said the 68-year-old coach, standing in the hallway outside the Wings' locker room. "I wanted to tell them how great they were."

Quietly, like a stagehand moving behind the curtain, Scotty Bowman has ascended to the throne room, sliding gingerly into the marble chair, waiting only for the crown to be placed on his head. He has been in the castle so long, few people even noticed.Bowman will, when this championship is officially handed to Detroit -- quite possibly Thursday night at Joe Louis Arena -- be all alone in hockey history, more Stanley Cups than any coach before him, more NHL finals victories than any coach before him, more everything, pretty much, than any coach before him.

There are people who do so much in life yet feel as if they're standing still. And then there are those who are really standing still.Which brings me, once again, to the sad and pitiful story of the line waiters for "Star Wars."Two years ago, I wrote about these poor misguided souls -- adults, not children -- who sat outside a movie theater waiting for "The Phantom Menace." Not for hours. Not for days.For months!

Hang on. Let me get this straight. An NFL player, late in the game -- and it's a close game, and it's "Monday Night Football" -- asks the trainer for a pen, stuffs it in his sock, goes out and catches a touchdown pass, then pulls the pen out of his sock and signs the football for a man in the stands who happens to be his financial adviser. And I'm the one who doesn't get it?Sorry. I don't think so. You can call me square, flat, unhip, old-fashioned, old-school, no cool or dull. When writing utensils become part of your football gear, things have gone too far.