Once again, the end of the year draws near, and all I want for Christmas is my time back.That's right. Here in America, Home of the Hype, we give up so many hours to subjects that seem SOOOOOOO important at the moment, yet turn out to be a colossal waste of time.I want mine back.I want it now.For example, every minute spent talking about "The Phantom Menace," an overblown, big, fat zero of a film that was nonetheless on the cover of every magazine and paper and on the lips of every TV broadcaster, radio host and McDonald's Happy Meal dispenser this summer?
GOOD MORNING, class. The question today is simple: Which of the following is the greatest mystery of all?A) The riddle of the Sphinx.B) Stonehenge.C) Charlie Batch's thumb.The answer is C, Charlie Batch's thumb. Not because it is as complex as the Sphinx or Stonehenge. In fact, Charlie's thumb is pretty simple. It's attached to his hand, like the rest of our thumbs. He can stick it out if he wants to hitchhike. He can wiggle it, bend it, he can jam it in his nose.
TAMPA, FLA. -- From one side came defensive lineman Chidi Ahanotu, breathing fire. From the other side came defensive end Warren Sapp, ready to chew someone's arm off. There was no escape. No hole to dive into. It was like being trampled by buffalo, and all Gus Frerotte could do on this final fourth down was try to wrangle his hand free and whisk the ball away, like a man heaving the treasure as he goes off the cliff.Incomplete pass. The Tampa crowd roared.And that was the end of our kidding ourselves around here.
The protester was knocked down. As he lay on the ground, one policeman handcuffed him, while another put his foot on the man's forehead to hold him still.This happened in Seattle last week. I know this not because I was there, but because I saw it on TV. The camera zoomed in on the policeman's foot and held there for at least six seconds.I was never told what the protester did to warrant such police behavior. I have no idea if the guy verbally abused the officers, threatened to kill them, maybe pulled a gun. All I saw was that foot on his forehead.
Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.
