Detroit Free Press

OK. Time's up. Sparky Anderson said you can't tell anything about a baseball team until 40 games have been played. Fine. Sunday was No. 40.What can we tell about the Tigers?Well. That depends. You want the optimistic version or the realistic one?

EDMONTON -- The word we are looking for is not "experienced," although he is experienced. It is not "veteran," although, in hockey, you are a veteran at 32. If you can still walk. But no. The word we are looking for is neither "veteran" nor "experienced," nor "ripe," nor "graybeard," nor "grandpappy" . . . Uncle?Well. Yes. That word fits him nicely. If the Detroit Red Wings -- in the Stanley Cup semifinals and suddenly the hottest story in sports -- were cast as a big, happy, gap-toothed family, then Mel Bridgman would be the uncle.Uncle Mel.

CALGARY, Alberta -- Finally, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the Olympic 90-meter ski jump, where the burning question remains: Can a man they call "The Flying Finn" be upstaged by a clumsy, bespectacled Brit who once bit off his tongue?Strange but true. Remember, this is an event where grown men ski off a huge ramp and fly into the wild blue yonder -- without a pole, much less a parachute. No wonder the Canadian winds kept postponing this thing: Chinooks are attracted to shnooks.

CALGARY, Alberta -- Finally, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the Olympic 90-meter ski jump, where the burning question remains: Can a man they call "The Flying Finn" be upstaged by a clumsy, bespectacled Brit who once bit off his tongue?Strange but true. Remember, this is an event where grown men ski off a huge ramp and fly into the wild blue yonder -- without a pole, much less a parachute. No wonder the Canadian winds kept postponing this thing: Chinooks are attracted to shnooks.

ST. LOUIS -- At first, the tarp wasn't talking."Get away from me," it mumbled. "I don't need no cheesehead reporters around me now."Hours earlier, the tarp had committed the most heinous crime of this NL playoff. During batting practice, it had rolled up the leg of an unsuspecting Vince Coleman, the Cardinals' prize rookie, trapping him under the weight of its 1,200 pounds until teammates could pull him free.

ANAHEIM -- "John?""Yeah?""Can I get two minut--""Excuse me. You'll have to get John in the press conference.""Sorry.""This way, John.""Where we goin'?""Over here, big room.""John?""I--""Not now, guys, John's got a press conference.""Sorry.""That him?""Where?""Right there, stupid!""Oooh . . . ""John Eh-way?""Yeah?""We are from Japan.""Really?""We, um--""John, let's go.""Sorry, guys I--""This way, John.""This door?"

I have a new job. I just found out. I am now the official Sports Writer Of The Weird And Strange. I learned this as I was getting ready for Thursday night's NBA playoff game between the Pistons and the Bullets."Change of plans," said my boss. "You're covering opening night of the Detroit Drive.""I beg your pardon?""Arena football. The 50-yard war. New sport.""I beg your pardon?"

CALGARY, Alberta -- Once upon a time, before blimps, the Olympics worked like this: You grew up in a small town, you sailed to some foreign place, you competed, you won a medal, you sailed home and got invited to all the good parties. This was a fine system, because you always knew where to find a former Olympian in case he owed you money. You needed Jurgen, the Swedish ski jumper, you went to Sweden and looked around.