Detroit Free Press

FIRST OF ALL, we're still here. That little miracle is where you begin. Remember last New Year's? The horror of ...

Ihear a knock. I open the door. Look who I see come a caroling ...Democrats singing "Here Comes Santa Claus"Here comes W, Here comes W W's on his way See him bouncing, mispronouncing, He's the prez today! Let Dick Cheney run the show Let Colin take the snaps Condi Rice makes everything nice While W takes a nap.Al Gore, "Joy To the World"Wait! Stop the world! Just one more time And let's recount the votes We'll beat inauguration Let's do some calculations There's still some ballots out Some chads lying about I'm sure I can win this thing With one more count.

IF A guy asks a girl out and she turns him down, you cheer him up. If she turns him down again, you console him. ...

At the height of the madness in this 5-week presidential election, someone on TV -- probably NBC's Tim Russert, ...

THERE'S THIS older woman, named Sarah, who for years ran an elevator at Tiger Stadium. Every summer, she would sit in that rickety, cell-like thing, which had no ventilation. During July and August it was a furnace."Do you think the Tigers could do anything?" she would gently ask, wiping her brow. "Put in air-conditioning, or get me a fan?"Year after year, nothing was done.