BARCELONA, Spain -- I am looking for a few good men. I am looking for men with guts. Men with honor. Mostly I am looking for men who can hold their breath for long periods of time.I am starting my own synchronized swim team.I am starting my own synchronized swim team.Sorry. Just getting in the mood.Synchronized swimmers do everything together. Everything together. They are like the Doublemint Twins. Doublemint Twins. I am starting a team. I think we can win. At the very least, we will meet a lot of women -- because this is an all- female sport.
So this is how far it has sunk. Tom Monaghan, who used to worship the turf Bo Schembechler walked on, now fires him in the middle of a Monday afternoon. Sends out a press release. Cites irreconcilable differences. Like some kind of marriage that went south.Which, I guess, in a way, it was. Monaghan is the same guy who once came to Bo's house on a snowy winter night and begged him not to leave the University of Michigan for Texas A&M. He was near tears. He offered Bo a pizza franchise to stay.
BARCELONA, Spain -- And you thought your little 9-year-old, sitting in the house playing video games all day, was blowing his chance at the Olympics. Are you kidding? We have a job for him right now.Boxing judge.In fact, if we had a few more 9-year-olds over here, we would probably have one fewer Olympic controversy this morning. That's because boxing, a sport that seems determined to sink under its own stupidity, has suddenly made it more important to test the reflexes of its judges than its boxers.See if you can follow this:
BARCELONA, Spain -- I had promised myself I would go the whole weekend without speaking, writing, or even thinking the words "Dream Team."But this is too good to resist.It now seems that our rich and talented NBA heroes -- whom we sent here to stomp on those commie heathens and bring home the old basketball glory -- may not step up for their Olympic gold medal after all.In fact, Michael Jordan, the biggest star on the team, said, "They can mail me the medal. I'm not getting up on that victory stand."
BARCELONA, Spain -- They come to stare at Ben Johnson now, as if he were a baby in a stroller, only they look at how much smaller he has grown, instead of how much bigger."His torso's half the size!" someone whispers."Look at the arms. Much less definition.""Thighs are shrunken, too."
Mitch Albom writes about running an orphanage in impoverished Port-au-Prince, Haiti, his kids, their hardships, laughs and challenges, and the life lessons he’s learned there every day.
