Listen, Curt, I've got that rubbing ointment you asked for. I guess your butt must really hurt, considering how hard you jumped on that bandwagon. Washington to win the Super Bowl? Stop the presses! The man goes out on a limb! Of course, I understand why you want to play the favorites this year. Should we remind everyone? Curt? Are you turning red? . . . Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the man who selected New England to beat Chicago in Super Bowl XX and Denver to beat San Francisco in Super Bowl XXIV and was off only by a mere 81 points.
Detroit Free Press
Let's face it. Even though men and women live together, work together and sleep together, they are not always on the same page.MAN (watching Three Stooges): Ho! Haha!WOMAN: I'm leaving you. MAN: What's that, hon--HAHAHEEHEE!Nowhere is this difference more apparent than in the world of sports, where men will tell you, on the scale of Truly Important Things In Life, there is 1) the 1975 World Series, 2) who was better in his prime, Magic or Bird? 3) the polio vaccine.Whereas women have it all backward.
PORTLAND, Ore. -- They danced off the court and into the castle on the clouds, carrying the scars and lumps and exhausted smiles that told you the journey was tough, the journey was costly, but the journey, finally, was over."We're back!" the Pistons seemed to roar as they headed for their champagne locker room and their rightful place on the throne, after beating Portland, 92-90, with a last-minute flourish to capture their second straight NBA championship. "We win! We won! We're back! "
I never understood the fuss over Madonna, since she is hardly the first woman to try and rip off Marilyn Monroe.But I have to hand it to her. She has turned the American public into the world's biggest sap.First she films an erotic music video. Then MTV refuses to show it. So Madonna goes on ABC's "Nightline" to protest censorship. As part of the program, the entire video is shown.And now it sets a record for copies shipped. Fans can't wait to buy it.
And now it's time to treat everyone like Earvin (Magic) Johnson. That's the real lesson of these terrible last few days. The eruption of love, support and sympathy for the stricken NBA star was a wonderful thing to see. But when you think about it, of all the patients in the world with the AIDS virus, Magic may need this the least. He is extremely wealthy, can get the finest doctors, and will be honored and loved no matter how sick, heaven forbid, he gets.What about the rest?Who loves them today?
O: Mr. Baseball CommissionerFROM: Field Correspondent RE: All-Star Break ReportDear Sir,As per your request, I am filing my report on the state of baseball at the midway point and, to sum up, let me say, Brazil 3, Netherlands 2.No, you're right, that is not baseball. But that is my point. More people are now familiar with World Cup soccer than they are with many parts of our national pastime, such as when does the strike start, who makes the playoffs, what division does Milwaukee play in, and is the strike over yet?
The Last Man Out pulled his coat on over his sweatshirt, and his hood up over his baseball cap. His jeans were zipped. His sneakers tied. He was ready to go, but he sat down anyhow. As the few remaining players headed toward the exit, he bit a fingernail, nodded, and mumbled, "See ya tomorrow." Then he caught himself."Listen to me," Chris Spielman said quietly, "I keep saying see ya tomorrow."
* Washington 12, Arizona 9: When Buddy Ryan went to the desert, they compared him to Moses. They were right. It'll be 40 years before that team will be good again.* Pittsburgh 24, Cincinnati 7: Another fun Sunday night at the Shula house.
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